Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
