Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
