the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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