I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
