I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
