the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
