she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
then he tried to convert me to islam
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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