the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
