we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
