She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
