God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
