very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
