Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
