i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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