if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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