I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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