i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
