i already hear my dad disowning me
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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