Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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