I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
