worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She told me I should be a condom model.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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