mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Of course I have a pirate flag
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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