ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
