I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
