Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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