Just fell off a train. Bad.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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