the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
