I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
