why didn't you poke me back
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize