New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
