also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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