and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
