You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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