He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
