Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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