it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
