New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
