apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
