drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
