Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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