are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
