I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
