I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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