Ambien. No doubt about it.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
