All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
