There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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