Umm I'm too high to move.
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Randomize