No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
