I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
