He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
