Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
