I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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