dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize