I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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