She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
