she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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