Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
