Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
