Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
