I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
