I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
