Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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