It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
