Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
