glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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