I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
she pinky promised me she was 18
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize