I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
