Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
