Please, let me fuck your mom
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
