I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
