I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
