I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
