I can text with my tongue
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
