I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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